Still brokenhearted

Do you know the feeling when you love so much and then everything is just gone?

It happened to me.
The last summer.

I guess it's a three years since I fell in love with him. We both were in the same job. He was a pure perfection to me. He still is. He was charming, handsome, talented, charismatic, smart, knew kendo and had the same taste in music (especially Coldplay). We were spending our breaks together and...I just fell in love.

But the last summer I found that he is married and has a little baby.

When I was texting him, his wife responsed. And I was shocked. I really didn't know that he is married or anything. I felt horrible and furious. Horrible because I was destroying his family (my friend said that it wasn't my fault because I hadn't any idea but I was still blaming myself for that) and furious because...I feel in love with such a fantastic man that had a family and didn't tell me about it!

He used to call me princess and said that it doesn't feel well when I'm not in the work.

Trouble is that I still love him.

I don't know how I should forget him. 

I'm brokenhearted.

I'm destroyed.

And I feel like I will not able love again.

I wish I didn't feel this damn thing to him. 

I wish I could forget. 

But how can I? 

It's a long time and they say that a time heals everything but I feel like it doesn't work for me at all. 

Failed.

I failed. 

It's hard to talk about this and not to cry.

I'm crying.

Because I don't know what to do. 

I just don't.

Of course I had some boys after this but...didn't feel this kind of love to them. I just failed.

I'm brokenhearted.

I hate him and love him even more. 

But ... I shouldn't love him. 

I feel really horrible.